Happy birthday,
little boy Beau,
they could fill books
with the things
you don’t know.
You’ll learn a start
from your teachers
and then some more
down under
the bleachers.
You’ll learn to run
across a field
with your team and
opponents
on your heel.
You’ll learn of worlds
waiting in books
filled with magic
and secrets
if you look.
But all the words
up on the shelf
can’t teach you what
you’ll have to
live yourself.
Love that feels like
third degree burns,
joy, pain, and awe
will visit you
in their turns.
But I know you’ll
always get through
because I know
the people who
care about you.
I hope you learn
to ride a bike
and that you can
be anyone
that you’d like.
But there’s one thing
I’d always add,
be as much
as you can
like your old
mom and dad.
Nameless
When I met you I said,
”that’s a name I could forget,”
and I’ve never had my bluff
called so hard.
Vehicle
Sometimes your job is just a vehicle
for your body to survive
and
sometimes your body is just a vehicle
for your consciousness
and
always your consciousness
is a gift, and a tool,
and a resource
you owe to
no one.
Jogging
I run faster
when I’m angry
with lead foot
muscle memory,
so if you’re driving
on the streets
of London tonight,
say a prayer
of gratitude
I sold my car.
40 Hrs
My manager once joked,
”Oh, Andrew can stay late,
no one loves him.”
Tattoos
My tattoos
are the only
part of my body
I haven’t once
hated.
Andrew, try to remember
Going to grad school won’t save you and learning to code won’t save
you. A retirement fund won’t save you and minimalism won’t save
you. Traveling won’t save you and a comfortable home won’t
save you. Meditating won’t save you and therapy won’t
save you. Curling fetal into a faint warm memory
won’t save you and living in another fantasy
of the future won’t save you.
Drinking won’t save you and
pizza won’t save you. Running a marathon
won’t save you and eating clean won’t save you. Dating
won’t save you and being alone won’t save you. In fact, every change
you can possibly make to the shape and position of your body won’t save you.
Being clever won’t save you and being liked won’t save you.
Solving your flaws one at a time in an attempt to project
manage your own salvation still won’t save you.
Reading the bible won’t save you and
worshiping the dead won’t save you.
Listening to music won’t save you
and making art won’t save you. Even
the happy afternoons on sunny patios when
the world shrinks to a freckle on your
cheek won’t save you because
nothing will save you.
You have to continue,
imperfect and exhausted,
without believing your pain
absolves all pain, without contriving
a reason to martyr yourself.
You have to hold
your broken vessel,
stop admiring the cracks,
and get to work
serving others.