Lunch

Let’s have toast
while the world ends.

Let’s argue harmlessly whether
this coffee shop is a church,
whether our barista is a pastor.

Let’s have tea in the sun
as a handful of corporations
spring from their garages
to possess us a little more.

Let’s dance in the discomfort
that our data is worth more
than our names.

Let’s listen to men with podcasts
tell us life is about success
and success is living
more like them.

Let’s spend twenty years
learning the difference
between love and attention
and then forget
right when it matters.

Let’s discuss the pros
and cons of being martyred
while we’re immolated
in our hometowns.

Let’s try to forget
it’s our extended family
governing those hometowns.

Let’s paint ourselves
orange to match the sky
as we disentegrate
and wait for a cure.

Let’s medicate with coffee
and pretend the anxiety
was inevitable.

Let’s whisper exit plans
and share the fantasy
that running might help.

Let’s debate whether our
fingernails will regrow
before we die.

Let’s perform every ritual
we can invent to consecrate
the afternoon.

But first, let me
take you to lunch.

Andrew, try to remember

Going to grad school won’t save you and learning to code won’t save
you. A retirement fund won’t save you and minimalism won’t save
you. Traveling won’t save you and a comfortable home won’t
save you. Meditating won’t save you and therapy won’t
save you. Curling fetal into a faint warm memory
won’t save you and living in another fantasy
of the future won’t save you.

Drinking won’t save you and
pizza won’t save you. Running a marathon
won’t save you and eating clean won’t save you. Dating
won’t save you and being alone won’t save you. In fact, every change
you can possibly make to the shape and position of your body won’t save you.

Being clever won’t save you and being liked won’t save you.
Solving your flaws one at a time in an attempt to project
manage your own salvation still won’t save you.
Reading the bible won’t save you and
worshiping the dead won’t save you.

Listening to music won’t save you
and making art won’t save you. Even
the happy afternoons on sunny patios when
the world shrinks to a freckle on your
cheek won’t save you because
nothing will save you.

You have to continue,
imperfect and exhausted,
without believing your pain
absolves all pain, without contriving
a reason to martyr yourself.

You have to hold
your broken vessel,
stop admiring the cracks,
and get to work
serving others.

To the people

To the office workers staying
until the sound of typing
is their only company 
and the unemployed wondering
if they’ll ever have an office 
of their own,

to the Skype callers with arms
that don’t reach the ones they love 
and those who feel like a stranger 
at family holidays,

to the only children 
lonely in the house
and the fourth child 
lonely in the crowd,

to the ones who made
big decisions too young 
and the ones wondering
if they’ll ever have 
a big decision to make,

to the people hiding 
their thoughts behind distraction
and the people with inner dialogue
that controls them,

to those who’ve lost their faith, 
and those who’ve found a way
to turn belief back toward love,

to the legs and throats
that won't let themselves 
dance or sing without
half a liter of liquor,

to the people asking 
if they’ll ever have 
the body they want
and the people afraid
their good health will fail,

to the tourists disappointed 
by exotic attractions
and the friends still 
jealous of the photo,

to the ones embarrassed 
by their public failures
and the ones self-conscious 
about having found success,

to those who haven’t found 
friends that give them space 
to be their real self 
and those with friends so close 
they’ve lost their real self,

to the people who’d cry 
if they were complimented
and the people who can’t 
trust compliments anymore,

to the people who didn’t have a choice 
in how their relationships ended, 
and the people who had
to make those decisions,

to those wondering if the hurt
is permanent and whether they’ll ever 
stop coping and start living, 

to the old man eating 
a cookie on the train,
to all of you—

I see you, 
I love you, 
and I’m proud of you
for making it this far.

When I'm down

When I’m down
I have to remember
I came back
from being so sad
I actually enjoyed
’Fix You’ by Coldplay.

Dear christians

Dear christians, I have embarked
upon a crusade of my own
against the phrase
I’m sorry you were hurt
by the church
,
because this apology
does not come from you.

It does not say
”I’m sorry I hurt you,”
”I taught you the wrong things,”
or “I’m sorry I sowed shame
so deeply that you’re still
plucking those weeds today.”

Instead, it blames a group,
an idea, or a building
you can easily distance
yourself from.

And that apology is conditional
upon an eventual return to belief.

If I die an atheist—
if the Magic 8-Ball
of my experience and intellect
continues to read
“All signs point to no,”
you will sigh
at my stubbornness
and apologize no more.

Still, don't worry,
I am not saving myself
for forgiveness.
I'd give it away
like the heathen I am
to the the first real
apology I get.

The dream I had

The dream I had about you
wasn’t sexual, it was only about
how well our bodies fit together.

My arms tight across your back,
the side of my face rough
against the side of your face,
our hips locked together
and our legs braided.

Your image left in the morning
and though we do not make
that shape anymore, you still
live in my body’s imagination.

I hid myself

I hid myself away 
like it gave me power
but it only made me 
less known 

and since we can only 
love what we know, 
I was loved less,
and I thought 
I deserved that. 

Home Bar

She said, “I’ll call you,”
as she stepped out of the Uber
at an unplanned stop,
but that may have been
for the driver’s benefit
since we both knew
she didn’t have
my number.

Askew Road

I thought I judged the drunk man
in the scorpion shirt correctly
until he offered me a banana,
saying, “It’s the best for energy,
sobered me right up.
Promise me you’ll eat it.”